Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Whod you bang
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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