The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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