we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I know her cup size but not her name....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
