I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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