oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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