Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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