allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
