My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He kissed a someone with a penis
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
