peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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