Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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