How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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