If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
NoShamevember. You game?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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