That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
