so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
