he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
