people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
