Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
