bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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