If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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