I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Fuck appropriateness.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
