now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
