for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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