gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
