I feel like abortions should bother me more
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
