chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
PANTIES FOUND
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