The maid of honor just puked.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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