im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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