I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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