I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
