Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
