This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
