I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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