sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
50% drunk capacity currently
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
