Will you blow on my dice?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
