you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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