If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
