Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Are we still banned from the library?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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