Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
