Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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