My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i believe in u and ur pee
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