Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
