I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
