That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
