Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
