So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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