Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We have started to decorate penises.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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