My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
