Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
