it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
