it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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