I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
