literally had 100 drinks last night.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
