so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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