My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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