Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
