i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
need another drink. this is the easiest way
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
