I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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