if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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