I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
