i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
