I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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