The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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