wanna go halves on a baby?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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